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A Few Silly Jokes
Started July 29, 2007 @ 3:49am by Lindsay D
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Lindsay D
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| A Few Silly Jokes | July 29, 2007 @ 3:49am | Sandy was sitting at the bar drinking double whiskies in one gulp as fast as the barman could put them in front of him. He eventually explained that it was the only way he could drink them after a terrible accident. "What sort of accident?" asked the barman. "Terrible," said Sandy. "I knocked one over with my elbow."  |
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Lindsay D
Administrator
Posts: 52 |
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| July 29, 2007 @ 3:50am | | McTavish was always coming home from the pub in the wee sma' hoors of the morning. Eventually he found this note from his wife - "The day before yesterday you came home yesterday morning. Yesterday you came home this morning. So if today you come home tomorrow morning you will find that I left you yesterday." |
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Lindsay D
Administrator
Posts: 52 |
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| July 29, 2007 @ 3:51am | | Hughie arrived at Sadie's flat with a "carry-oot" of cans of beer and a bottle of whisky. After half an hour of chat, Hughie eventually asked "When are the others coming for the party?" Sadie looked surprised. "The party was last night! And what's more, you were there!" |
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Lindsay D
Administrator
Posts: 52 |
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| Tractors | November 17, 2007 @ 9:43am | There's this kid who loves tractors. ADORES them. Massey-Ferguson, John Deere, the whole lot. Has posters, toys, videos, fact-files, everything. In fact, the other kids used to pick on him for loving tractors so much. And one day, while at a country show, his entire world is ripped apart when a tractor accidentally reverses over some poor family's dog. Kid is heartbroken, devastated. As soon as he gets home, he throws out all his tractor tat and vows never to think about tractors ever again. So, this kid grows up and he keeps his promise, never once thinking about tractors. One night, he's out clubbing with his mates, drinking and chatting and having a laugh. He spots this fit lass in the corner of the club and there's an instant connection. Only problem is, she looks unhappy at all her friends gathered round who are smoking like chimneys. This lad sees an opening and strolls over to her. With one giant inhalation, he sucks AAAALL the smoke out of the air. The girl, now in a smoke-free environment, looks up in amazement at him and says, "Wow! How did you do that?" "It's easy," he says, "I'm an ex-tractor fan."
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Lindsay D
Administrator
Posts: 52 |
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| When ye ken yer skottish | February 21, 2008 @ 2:09am | Ye ken yer scottish wen...
1. Ye kin properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza/mars bar fae the chippie.
3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot slaverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about p*shed withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories - pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made fae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
19. you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;
* Bawheed
* bawbag
* hooz it hingin
* mingin
* boggin
* boke
* pished
* get it up ye
* wee beasties
* amurny
* away an bile yer heid
* peely-wally
* humphey backit
* wit
* fit like
* o eye like
don’t ye jst luv it???? |
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